Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Why Do Men Pee Standing Up?

Or A Disgusting Habit Men Have

In the Beginning

God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it." Well, Adam was so excited he jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like a happy little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so thrilled he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left." "What's it called?" asked Eve. "Brains", said God.

The Thought

Why do men pee standing up? Before I begin it is important to make it clear that as a man I have always peed while standing up--at least until about a year ago. So why do men pee standing up? I believe there are two reasons:

  1. Tradition
  2. Convenience

And it is my conviction that both are poor reasons. Peeing while standing is a disgusting habit. Boys learn to pee standing up around the age of 3 and this habit continues throughout their whole lives. But before I get too far off into the reasons why men pee standing up I need to explain why I think it is so disgusting.

One evening about two years ago I had to go to the bathroom before bed. I walked down to the bathroom in my boxers and began to do what I had done for the past 23 years: pee standing up. For some reason though this night would be different from all the others. For one reason or another I noticed, seemingly for the first time, that pee was splashing out of the toilet and onto my legs and the surrounding walls, rugs and bathtub. With only my boxers on I could feel the pee splashing onto my legs. What a disgusting habit!

But it gets worse--this was one of my better days. How can I say the following while being discrete? Let's just say that on that particular night my stream was tight. Any man who pees while standing up (which as far as I know includes almost every man) will readily admit that there are times when things are not so precise. There are many times when a man can not control the precision of his stream. Suffice it to say that even on our best days there is a significant amount of pee which splashes from the toilet onto anything surrounding it. And that is on our best days! What about when things are not so controlled? What a disgusting habit!

So why do men pee standing up? It is now time to return to our discussion of the reasons why men pee standing up. I believe that the two reasons given above are self-sustaining. They are two heads of the same beast, so to speak. Men probably began to pee standing up because it was convenient. Once their children saw it they began to copy their dads and peed standing up as well. But if ever a boy grew up without learning this habit from his dad, it would most likely develop out of sheer convenience. So it seems there is no hope. Men will forever pee standing up and our bathrooms (as well as ourselves) will forever be covered in pee.

Social Change

So what exactly am I calling for? I propose that in the home, men ought to pee while sitting down. But it is important to note that I am still leaving room for men to pee standing up outside the home under certain conditions. I will discuss these further in the section "possible exception" below.

With any significant social change comes opposition. Take any boy who is over the age of fifteen (maybe even younger) and ask him to pee sitting down and see what his response is. I have been met with pretty fierce opposition from my family members and friends when I explained this idea to them. Interestingly though, almost every woman was thrilled by the idea.

For the past year I have been peeing while sitting down. It took a little while to get used to it but now it is normal. The only real annoyance is when I am dressed up with my shirt tucked in. On these somewhat rare occasions I tend to pee standing up to avoid having to re-tuck in my shirt. I have even taught my two boys (ages three and four) to sit down while they are in the house. I told them that when they are at school or a restaurant or a place like that they can stand up. So far they have not had any problems with the adjustment.

Possible Exception

There is an exception to my theory--places designed for men to pee while standing up, such as the trough-style urinals at sporting events. In fact most urinals would count given that the surrounding environment was designed to be cleaned easily. It's a lot like an off-road truck with diamond-plated interior: the interior is diamond-plated so that it can get muddy and be hosed out. Public bathrooms with urinals and tiled walls and floors are designed to get splashed with pee and to be cleaned easily and regularly. So any restroom which meets these requirements is a candidate for an exception.

The Challenge

I want to challenge you men reading this to experience it for yourselves. For the next week when you go to the bathroom before bed wear just your boxers. Then see just how much pee splatters on your legs. Look around your toilet, what else is getting splattered with pee? Probably your carpets, rugs, bathtubs, curtains, walls, sink stands, magazines, just to name a few. What a disgusting habit! Why do men pee while standing up!?

68 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think that sounds like a very convincing argument. In fact now that I've heard that I think I might get disgusted when guys pee at my place. Jere, you have to explain this to my future husband someday so he won't splash pee all over my bathroom everyday.

T.Hansen

Peeing with Precision said...

I can understand where you are coming from. The pee splashing on your legs at night is a problem among men. Sometimes late at night I would have to wipe off my legs after peeing. In the last few years I have found myself peeing sitting down on occasion. I don’t do it on a regular basis, but enough to notice it. But I would have to say peeing standing up is so convenient, and I would rather do that. Not every time when I pee standing up do I pee all over my legs. It’s actually very few times. So I guess I don’t have a problem peeing standing up, or peeing sitting down. Now when it comes to public places, I always try and stand. But its up to the individual man to decide. Personally I don’t care what a guy does in the privacy his bathroom, as long as he ALWAYS washes his hands.

Patrick said...

Wel...pretty amazing....I must say. On your behalf, i've done a little research and found more information for you Jere. I thought your post deserved a detailed responce...

You might consider Joining:

Mothers against Peeing Standing Up:
http://www.mapsu.org/index.htm
http://www.mapsu.org/posternopee.htm

...or you could become a charter member of the Internationa center for Bathroom Etiquette:

http://www.icbe.org/icbe.shtml

I must say that on the internet, guys lke you are evidently refered to as "Squatters." Like in an article I found with this quote:
"Anyway, I didn't actually believe that any men really sat down to pee. Sure, maybe guys who've had some kind of prostate cancer or unfortunate bicycle accidents, or maybe really old guys, but not men. Not real men.

Then they started coming out of the woodwork.

Some posted comments on this web site. Others called the radio show. All squatters. They weren't the least bit ashamed. They seemed oblivious to the fact that they are freaks. Generally, they fell into three categories:

1)Those who sit to pee at night because somehow they can't find the hole.

2)Those who sit to pee because they fear they'd miss the hole otherwise and think squatting is considerate to their wives.

3)Those who sit to pee so that they can read or drink their morning coffee.

Some even described sitting down to take their morning pee as some sort of relaxing ritual.

(http://www.wfmu.org/messageboard/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=Off-Topic;action=print;num=1132852836)


Now I must say that calling you a "freak" is a bit harsh, after all, i know you to be a relatively normal dude.

One writer in 1991 suggested even that peeing standing up is the sole cause of Men's unique ability to be spatially oriented:

"To begin with, men have a greater spatial reasoning ability than women. This has been documented by many psychologists, none of whom has suggested what I think is the real reason for it: Men pee standing up."


and lastly, Men must pee standing up for self preservation. One blogger wrote in January of 2001:

"Nature designed men so they could pee standing up, which allowed them to urinate in the fastest possible time in case they faced attack from an enemy,"

You're gonna have to give me a little more to convince me to lose both my spatial abilities and the benefit of being able to quickly escape an enemy who sneaks up on me at the wrong time....

Jeremiah Hansen said...

I guess I should've looked around online first. I had no idea there were actual mothers groups against peeing standing up out there. Thank you Patrick for your thorough research.

I just found out something else very interesting. A friend just pointed out that in the Bible the Hebrew phrase "one who pees against the wall" is a derogatory expression for a man. For instance, the King James of 1 Kings 14:10 reads "...and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall..."! So men really have been peeing standing up for a long time.

Anonymous said...

Jeremiah,

I thoroughly agree with you that spraying urine all over the walls and floor of my bathroom isn’t exactly something which is A. sterile or B. polite.

However I would like to share with you a thought, which struck my brain while reading your article. Our male tradition of peeing while standing up, has been as you mentioned, carried on since biblical times. I even imagine by Adam himself. Adam who after all being human and thus was created in the image of God. Therefore it is possible to say that since Jesus was the Son of God and because he was human he would have needed to pee and he most likely (according to history) urinated while standing. And even further more since Jesus, God, and the Holy Ghost are 3 in 1 it is possible that God and Jesus, and even the Holy Spirit for that matter, all stand up to pee. But I admit its pushing it just a bit seeing how God and the Holy Spirit would have no need to relieve themselves, and I’m sure if they did they would never miss and would always as you put it “control their stream.”

But apart from that little tangent I do have a serious question for you to think about. I wonder if your epiphany and sudden aversion to peeing and standing simultaneously is result of our culture’s obsession with germs and antibiotics? Now I’m sure you’re not the first man in the whole world to be disgusted by getting urine on his boxers, and now don’t get me wrong, I don’t go out and pee on myself for fun, but really my question is, do you think that we have been culturally conditioned to fear and hate urine, something that after all is 95% water. Because like you said this has been an historical tradition, which has been carried on and passed down from generation to generation of healthy free peeing men. Has our germ phobic culture shaped our thinking so much that we even consider changing the very way we live, even pee??

Sincerely,
Your friend, The Careful Peer.

Anonymous said...

Jer,
The first answer that came to mind when faced with the question "Why Do Men Pee Standing Up?" was going to be "Because everybody looks at me funny when I squat in the wall urinal".... no seriously, this is especially a problem like someone for me that has (for physical reasons) an unusally strong urine stream. It has been a problem because I often spray on the person in the next urinal over, causing caustic glances and verbal confrontations... as a matter of fact with all that is going on in the world, I'm surprised this issue is not at the forefront of conversation.

Anonymous said...

Jere,
I cant say that i totally disagree with what you are saying, but i will say that i have never experienced the "accuracy" problems that you seem to struggle with. I think that the practice of sitting while peeing is fine, but It should be a decision that each individual makes. I feel sorry for your boys because they have no choice in the matter. They are being robbed of their "passage to manhood". I remember as a yong boy when we would all play outside, we would just pee next to a tree or by a bush, or spell our names in the snow. Also if more than one of us needed to go at the same time we would expedite the urge to pee by lining up around the toilet and playing waterfall or litesavers. Obviously all this is not something that we do our whole lives. I just feel bad that when your boys are out on the golf course or skiing some day, they wont experience the true privilege of being a MAN. Allways looking over their shoulder wondering if this is normal.

In conclusion i would urge every MAN out there to not force this issue on anyone. if you feel the urge to pee while sitting down because you cant control yourself then thats fine. Just dont tell anyone else about it. Thankyou for your honesty Jere.

JPH

Men stand and pee said...

First of all, if your peeing all over yourself and the floor, I would say that would have to be a personal problem. I have been peeing standing up for many years now, and very few times have I actually peed on my leg, and I dont even know what this splattering talk is about. I never splatter pee on the floor or myself, thats what the water in the toilet is for. I will continue to stand while I pee, because I am a MAN!

Peeing in the woods said...

Question, if you were out in the woods, and had to pee, would you squat or stand?

Still Standing said...

Is Jeremiah Hansen becoming a woman?

Jeremiah Hansen said...

Peeing in the woods, If I was in the woods I would pee while standing up. Did you read the article?

sterile pee said...

Well I admire someone who has as many children as you having the time to put so much thought into this topic. If you talk with any doctor, the doctor will assure you that pee is actually sterile. So I don't have a huge problem covering my legs in it (although I do try to get as much of my pee as possible in the designated recepticle). I also try to pee outside as much as possible, where I don't have to be constrained by rules and traditions.

Jeremiah Hansen said...

Sterile pee, urine may be sterile while it is in your body (but not, for instance, if you have a urinary tract infection) but once it leaves your body it does not magically forever remain sterile. When it is sitting on your toilet, walls, floor, carpets, etc. it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria. For example,

"In cases of kidney or urinary tract infection (UTI) the urine will contain bacteria, but otherwise urine is virtually sterile and nearly odorless when it leaves the body. However, after that, bacteria that contaminate the urine will convert chemicals in the urine into smelling chemicals that are responsible for the distinctive odor of stale urine; in particular, ammonia is produced from urea." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine)

This is one example of how bacteria contaminate and feed on urine that is outside of your body.

As Careful Peer pointed out our culture is obsessed with "germs and antibiotics." I am not saying that pee covering our bathrooms is the greatest threat to human beings. Nor am I even saying that it is a serious health threat. But it is unsanitary (and not sterile as some have suggested) and disgusting. There is no reason to pee standing up in the home.

Anonymous said...

Well here we go again, I think you a taking this too far, you a push an almost in-defensible postion. So I have a few points to make,
1) Pee amy splash around, but I sat down a couple times last week and found that although the pee did not get on my shins or boxers, but rather on the underside of my legs, this happens because of the extra force givin the proximity of the source(of the pee) to the water.
2) Even if pee get on the floor or your legs, your arguement assumes that people don't clean their bathroom regularly, I clean mine atleast once every two weeks and try to do so, if i can, once a week, because regaurdless of the amount of pee the escapes, your bathroom should cleaned regularly.
3) You stated that women agreed with you, well of course they did, they feel they are envious of the ability to stand up, especially at any social situation anywhere, where it takes them more than twice as long to pee and thus holding up the group, now I am more making a point than a complaint, I am not criticising women for waht they can't control, but rather encouraging men to embrace a God given gift.
4)My final point, carpe deim, after honestly tring to sit down and feel right about it, I realized how much time I was wasting and what I could be doing with time, even if I waste the time I save by standing up, I still have that time and you don't, over a span of 5 years you may lose over 4 days of your life sitting down.

In conclusion, I do admit these points are a alittle silly although I think have bearing when someone is arguing for something as rediculous as this. I choose to stand.

Anonymous said...

Jere,
This sounds like another one of your lame ideas that you have thought too long on and are well....hopelessly lost. I do have a few thoughts and mine are less thought out and organized or researched as others. Good job PW for the thorough research. The advanced degrees coming in handy. First, Jere your an idiot. I mean seriously. You have got to get a grip on your manhood as it slowly slides away into oblivion. Peeing and the perogative to pee all over yourself if you want to is a God given right and should be a mandate. Do not deprive your young, impressionable boys of their right to weild their sword recklessly if they choose. My first point is about manhood and our need as men to claim or reclaim our identity in a postmodern, fluffy society that wants to keep manhood oppressed. I will move from that wonderfully made point to a theological one. I wonder if there were no spray or concern for bacteria in the urine while in the Garden. Your lack of aim may be a result of the Fall or too many beers. I am concerned that all these problems are traced to that first manly peeing maching, Adam. Damn that forbidden fruit. In a prefallen world would we even be having this conversation? If Jere had twelve more kids would we be having this conversation? Back to my point- all your urine problems may be theological and not sociological. Perhaps it is both. On to my third and not so great point. I want a urinal in my bathroom. Yep, thats right I want a pisser in my bathroom so I do not have to worry about the seat or flushing every time. I asked my lovely wife and she said that is disgusting, but that makes me want it even more. Why do public restrooms get to have all the nice stuff; on second thought, I would also like a hot air hand dryer. Jere, thanks for wasting more of my time with careless banter. Jason "real men stand" Haas

D. Bowers said...

Jer,

You're a hoot! What will you propose next? Why do men cut their hair?

Jeremiah Hansen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

While the argument can be convincing, the heart of your issue is related not to what is proper, but what makes life easier for you cause you don't want to clean the bathroom as often.

Peeing standing or sitting is not about properness as it is about convenience, keeping the toilet and bathroom clean. For what it's worth, a woman's bathroom by nature is always cleaner as a result. And of course, no one really likes to clean, much less a bathroom. But the problem about the stream has a lot more variables that are too numerous and none can every solved completely whether standing or sitting.

First, there is the issue of physiology. Men are all built differently, and it refers to size and height, as well as the difference in anatomical design. But one issue is that if you're taller, you will create a bigger spash zone because of the height difference to a toilet compared to guys who are shorter. Every inch exponentially increases the force of impact. It's proven in Newton's law and experiments all show that a 1 inch difference will create four squared increase in impact differential for the same mass dropped onto the same plain. It's just physics, and when it comes to urine and water, the same is true. So if you have longer legs and are taller, you enjoy more splash, so get a taller toilet, squat or sit. It's up to you, gravity and physics will do what it will.

The other issue is that male physiology, is argued to function better when the legs are straight. The muscles that contract to release urine, and consequently also during ejaculation occurs best when a man is able to contract those muscles, which are at their optimal position when the legs are together or straight. They're not the same muscles that contract for bowel movements, although they are connected. Male urinary physiology says that it's about the contraction of the bladder muscle and the prostate when it comes to urination, although the sphincter muscles do contract, just not as strongly. Urologists all state that urethral pressure revealed highest in the standing position, which allows for optimal pressure and release of urine, which is supposed to expelled from the body.

Either way, whether sitting or standing, that's a preference. If you've made up your mind to stand, that's fine. But the issue isn't properness nor is it about right or wrong. It's whatever you find it more convenient and makes your existence easier. Either way, you'll get pee on you and your clothes no matter what you do.

If there should be social change, I'm one who believes in taking responsibility. If standing or male urination causes more mess, then guys should by all means clean the bathroom. I do and I do it weekly. If you don't, then sit, do whatever makes your life easier to live and freer from stressers.

If it's a matter of hygeine and cleanliness, keep this in mind. No one can truly be clean in this life. As long as human beings are social and you live with or near them, we infect each other, urine, germs and all. Think also about this, the bacteria in shoes are more toxic in its ability to infect as well as transmit than urine. If this is a matter of properness and or hygeine, no one should be renting shoes when you go bowling, skating, skiing, or even trying on shoes you buy. You never know who may have had them on and how clean their feet were before you. Enjoy sitting.

Chuck Norris said...

Look, im going to settle this once and for all. But first off i'd like to get one thing clear. I am a manly man, and if you want to contest that fact i'll beat you down hard with a round house kick to the face. thats right, the face. second, i pee standing up and i dont even look where im shooting, why? because i never miss, IM CHUCK NORRIS PEOPLE. Third, i pee standing up because it makes it easier for me to OWN you with my round house kick to the face. Also if you pee sitting down, it means two things, either you're a woman, or you're a man with no legs because you stepped on a land mine during combat, and therefore cannot stand up to pee, even though you would like too and probably miss the good times you used to have with your buddies at the urinal. and finally, during combat when i am out of water, i drink my pee because its sterile, and im just plain awesome.

Anonymous said...

Jer:
I am almost speechless but I know that if I had followed this advise at Husky stadium, I and my son would have been deprived of one of the great moments of our lives. Laughing ourselves silly as we peed on a flock of rubber duckies that someone had left in the trough when the Dawgs were playing the Oregon Ducks.
RH

Adam said...

Jeremiah, two thoughts, well, three.
1) Despite thoughts 2 & 3, I am willing to take the challenge for a week.
2) Haven't you had this experience: you sit to take a dump (I'm not a fan of dumping standing up), and towards the end of that process you also pee. After wiping, etc. you leave the bathroom, only to find about 45 seconds later that you still have to pee a little bit. You go back into the bathroom and pee standing up, surprised to find that there is about 1/5 of a normal pee still left inside you, despite your recent sitting-down-while-dumping pee. This to me is evidence that it is not optimal for a man to pee sitting down, for it tends to leave a small amount of pee in the bladder, a small amount of pee which wants to come out, and which will annoy its owner until he makes a return trip. And think about this: suppose the man leaves the bathroom after a squatting-pee and realizes that a little more wants to come out. But suppose instead of returning and evacuating that little bit WHILE STANDING, he squats again and forces it out. Now stay with me - we said earlier that maybe 1/5 of a normal pee remains in the bladder after a sit-down pee, well, now our two-time squatty-boy has 1/5 of 1/5 of a normal pee left in his bladder! What if he goes back and squats again to get ride of this 1/25 of a normal pee? Bam! He's now got 1/125 of a normal pee left in his bladder. As you can imagine, it is quite likely that a squatty-boy, as he goes about his normal life, contains drops of pee in his bladder that have been there for months, years! Now tell me THAT isn't a health risk! Do you really want your boys hording ancient urine in their little bladders for years to come?
3) There's really not a delicate way to say this, but I am guessing more men read your blog than women: sometimes it is, ah, unpragmatic, even impossible to pee sitting down. Oh dear, what to say - this, ah, is sometimes the case when in the "MORNING you WOULD" have a pee. What then, pee-master? Would you wait? Would you force down and possibly injure yourself? It's all fine and dandy for you to tell your 3 year-old to go take his morning pee sitting down, but what will you tell deal Marty the 13 year-old? As unseemly as this topic may be, I believe it is something you must reckon with if you would have the world pee sitting down.

Now, here is where I make a move towards the center: I understand what you say about the grossness of splatter. Although I am only renting my house, I still would prefer that pee not occupy the carpet. However, as I've mentioned, there are at least 2 reasons (and more, for I agree with previous comments about peeing standing up being in our manly nature) why it is not good that a man should pee sitting down. The solution? A redesigned toilet. I think you could make a gold mine here, Jer. I'm envisioning a toilet with some sort of button or lever you could press that would initiate a mildly-spinning whirpool. Not as fast and fierce as when you flush, but maybe 1/2 or 1/3 that speed. The whirpool, if I'm imagining this rightly, would have the effect of channeling the flowing pee down and out, and would minimize splash-up. Just a thought.

furiousBall said...

this was brilliantly covered on curb your enthusiasm

Anonymous said...

I prefer to pee sitting down as well. Especially at my workplace, and when I am wearing light colored pants.

No matter how careful I am when I pee standing up, I inevitably get a few drops on the front of my pants, which is embarrassing to walk out of a restroom with.

At least when you use a stall, you can be more careful about putting your stuff away.

Anonymous said...

I'm a guy that has had nightmarish splash/misdirection problems on occasion, but have never considered peeing sitting down. That's thinking outside the box!

But causes these accidents? Are we that clumsy? I'd like to put forward an observation about what I believe to be a common cause of splash accidents not due to poor aim.
(Those not wishing to read frank and explicit details of male anatomy should skip.)

The penis, as we know, passes both urine and semen/seminal fluid through a tube called the urethra. Occasionally, traces of seminal fluid might be left in the urethra after sex or arousal. That seminal fluid tends to dry at the urethral opening on contact with air, acting like a weak glue to seal the penis partially or fully closed.

A guy, unaware that his urethra is effectively glued shut, might easily try to pee through that blocked hole with unpredictable results. If the pee-er is lucky, the urine will force the stuck urethra open or dissolve the dried seminal glue before the urine stream is redirected. In splash events, the urine stream will be redirected and come out at an angle other than what the pee-er expected. It might even split into two streams, a phenomenon I call "split-streaming." Whether one, both or neither stream reaches the intended target will be up to the specific characteristics of the pee-er's obstructed urethra.

So, if I may, a matter of hygeine that all guys should learn:
Before peeing (especially when standing up), use your fingers to gently squeeze open the end of your penis (the urethral opening) to make sure it is truly open. Be especially aware of this after waking up in the morning (you're likely to have been aroused in your sleep), or after any kind of sexual activity followed by rest.

Another poster might want to detail the necessity for un-circumcized men to prevent splash events by retracting the foreskin before peeing...

Anonymous said...

I know why men pee standing up. It's because men aren't usually the ones cleaning bathrooms. I'd love to make it the rule in my house (I live alone) that male visitors must sit down and not splatter stinky urine all over my nice clean bathroom. If only I knew how to enforce it.

And no, guys, women are not jealous of your ability to pee standing up. Freud was way, way off - we don't have penis envy. We think penises are very nice on you (unless you "wag" them at us - seriously, stop doing that, it's pathetic), but we prefer our sex and urinary organs tucked neatly inside out of danger, thank you very much. We could probably learn to pee standing up with practice or appliances, but it doesn't seem worth the trouble. Sit down, take a load off, relax, and don't make a mess.

We take longer in the bathroom because we primp. Well, some do. I personally can pee just as fast as a man - my boyfriend and I have races when we go to public restrooms, and it's usually a draw.

For your next profound question, how about "Why do women hover when they pee in public restrooms?"

Anonymous said...

If you're at a urinal, pee standing up. If you're going to pee standing up at a toilet at least clean up after yourself! I've occasionally considered putting up a sign in the restroom at work to remind coworkers to at least wipe off the seat when done! I'm sure our blind coworker would appreciate it. Don't even get me started about people with aim so bad the floor gets wet. I'm tired of having to wipe up large spills from the ground to keep my pants dry when I sit down.

Actually, I've felt a splash on my leg from a guy peeing in the next stall! And it wasn't Senator Craig.

Anonymous said...

I'm reformed myself, for the last 5 years or so I always pee sitting at home and often other places too. Generally the only time I'll pee standing is in a crowded public bathroom, if there are no seats available, or if I'm in a hurry (but this barely makes a difference). Basically, standing fails a risk vs reward assessment, there is very little benefit outside of public restrooms and the risk of getting urine anywhere but in the bowl is a real and potentially very annoying one.

Anonymous said...

This is stupid. Total waste of time. You should be ashamed, idiot.

LincolnD said...

I pee sitting down because I am lazy and would prefer to sit rather than stand. I always use the urinal in a public bathroom and if it wouldn't piss off the neighbors I would probably be watering the hedges every time the urge struck me.
I don't understand anyone who doesn't think getting splashed on is gross. Urine is part of the body's waste removal system and sterile or not I don't want it on my leg. I also try to avoid spitting on, snotting on, and shitting on my leg.
For those who deny splattering, congratulations on having the most perfectly formed urethra and the most accurate aim ever or my condolences for the tragic accident combining your pogo stick and too much liquor that destroyed the nerve endings in your legs from the knee down.

Anonymous said...

I have at almost 30 years of experience of standing up. The number of times that I have missed the "target" can be counted on one or two hands.

I'm very insulted at all of the "men pee outside the toilet" articles that pop up. This never happens to me. The only times I may have problems is after the penis has been "in use" to say it in a child-safe way. Then I know better and sit down, since I know it will spray in all directions.

Another fact is that I am not circumsized. Perhaps it's more of a problem for circumsized men? I know that if I pull the skin back, I have less control. Since I mostly read about these problems from american blogs, where it's much more common than in my country I think there is a connection there...

Anonymous said...

Another thing: I hate it when I sit down and my penis touches the toilet. Who designs these toilets?

Anonymous said...

Argument Against 1: It's pee, it's sterile, and you're a man. Who cares what it hits?

Argument Against 2: "Interestingly though, almost every woman was thrilled by the idea." You also liked the idea, ergo...

Anonymous said...

so we can write our name in the snow, and dot an i at the last if we need too !

Anonymous said...

write your name in the snow? sounds like a Man thing

Men said...

You made your point! but whats thats we got different from women? we got a tool which we can hold & pee however we want. you want us to give it up for what so we can pee like pussies? i got to pee the i pee!

Anonymous said...

I posted a comment last night about why men pee standing up - because women clean bathrooms.

I just wanted to add something.

As an intelligent, desirable, sexy woman (you'll have to take my word for it - I've never had a problem attracting men in all my 50 years) I just want to let you guys know that your "I am a MAN, I STAND" posturing will get you nowhere with women. A woman is FAR more likely to be impressed with your consideration for her clean bathroom than with your faux-manly insistence on standing to pee. A man whose masculinity does not depend on peeing posture is a real man. A man who thinks he is a lesser man (or that other men are) for sitting to pee is a little boy concerned more with how he might appear to other men (and who's going to see you in her bathroom?) than true manly strength.

Be a real man. Have the balls to sit. Women will love you for it.

Michael said...

Hi Im a 29 year old man and I have been peeing siting down for the past 15 years partly because it takes less effort, gives me time to relax, a chance to wipe my ass, and I create very little spillage. Straight into the bowl. Peeing standing up is for the bushes, alleys, and public toilets.

Sui3351 said...

Dude, if you're having trouble controlling your stream you might have a bladder infection or a possible blockage....

Might wanna get that checked out.

Anonymous said...

Why should the rest of us suffer just because you cant aim?

Anonymous said...

Next time the rests of you dullards with the "great aim" are in a public rest room, notice how wet the floors are with other mens pee. Just how masculine is it to walk around with other mens scent on your shoes?

Anonymous said...

Three things I hate about sitting down in a public toilet.

1. Some seats are NASTY. Don't want to sit there.

2. My dick comes into contact with the toilet, and it's very uncomfortable and not something I like considering how many others that have been there before.

3. When I stand up, there's always some piss left that hasn't been emptied, because my dick has been squeezed against the toilet. I can't shake it, because the piss might hit the seat (see argument #1). The solution is to take lots of paper and let the last bit of piss pour out and hopefully not penetrate the paper too much.

PS., I don't have a large penis. It's actually almost exactly the average length.

Anonymous said...

fascinating. I think the Chuck Norris response encapsulates an attitude that many men may have regarding peeing standing up when the author writes: "if you pee sitting down, it means two things, either you're a woman, or you're a man with no legs."
I think we tend to normalize and defend the practice of peeing standing up through claims of convenience, scientific reason, and not surprisingly, biblical truth to mask an underlying issue: men's anxiety over masculinity.

Jeremiah, I appreciate your blog entry and you call to end the practice of peeing standing up, but shouldn't this call extend beyond practical issues like keeping a clean bathroom free of pissdrenched walls, floors, and toilet seats, and be a call to end patriarchy?
I think it is relevant to note that only women have critiqued the practice of peeing standing up as something associated with an aggressive masculinty. If we feel feminized when we sit down to pee, what does that say about our attitudes towards women, other men, and our own bodies?

I am not claiming that sexism and patriarchy can be undone by choosing to sit down when we pee, but I do think that something as quotidian as the act of peeing can become relevant to the project of undoing the sexism we have all internalized from being participants in heteropatriarchy.

Anonymous said...

"Be a real man. Have the balls to sit. Women will love you for it."

Wow, I'm so glad that my masculinity has come into question because I stand to piss.

Bad news for you guys out there, 99.8% of you are now not real men. Because you stand to piss, you are an evil degenerate who is only concerned about how others think of you (a little hypocritical from a person who introduces herself referring to her attractiveness to the opposite sex, don't ya think?).

Here's an idea. REAL men piss standing up. They piss sitting down. They can piss however they want cause that's not how you define being a "real man" (whatever the hell that is, anyway).

Next time you ladies try and guilt trip men into doing what you THINK is right by using phrases like, "real men ____" or, "men who are comfortable in their masculinity ______", remember - REAL women spend most of their day in the kitchen making men dinner, and when they're not, they're cleaning the house or taking care of the children.

Jo4nny said...

Peeing while standing is my god-given right.

Pee actually isn't that disgusting of a substance, mostly ammonia -- which is coincidentally what most people use to clean their bathrooms.

Anonymous said...

In my varied work history I have been assigned the jobs of cleaning mens' and womens' bathrooms, and invariably the mens' bathroom has been filthy and disgusting compared to the womans', even when used by less numbers. I belive most of this is due to peeing standing up.


Now when are you going to take on the next goal, that of getting men to wash their hands after peeing?

Anonymous said...

Ever wonder why colon cancer is more prevalent in men vs. women?

I have a theory that those that pee sitting down are more inclined to evacuate their large intestines at the same time while urinating, whereby reducing the toxins in their colon and effectively reducing their chances of colon cancer.

Read about colon cleanses, impact on overall health and what the roll of the large intestine is (bulking, and fluid reclamation)- my theory just seems to make sense to me.

I admit that I still pee standing up 60% of the time. I'm not perfect.

Anonymous said...

I have a question for the men... How would you describe the culture in a men's restroom? Is this a place to socialize, just pee, or something in between. If you are conversing at a urinal, are you also thinking "this is weird that we are talking while we are peeing."? Is it ever hard to pee if someone is standing next to you?

Two additional notes:
1.to the person interested in ending patriarchy...apparently in Stokholm they are doing away with urinals in many places- i think school especially.
2.Urinals are more environmentally friendly than most toilets.

Michael said...

All I have to say is, of all the times I've pissed standing up, it's never splashed back on my person. Maybe my toilet isn't lined with Saran Wrap. Maybe I don't piss into the wind. But all the same, the only concern I would have is my fingers, and they seldom ever get wet when I pee.

Chuck Norris Jr. said...

A woman once complained to advice columnist “Dear Abby” that her husband sometimes pees in the back yard. Charlton Heston wrote a response asserting that all real men pee in the back yard. Naturally it should come as no surprise that Chuck Norris also pees in the front yard.

Anonymous said...

Honestly...I think its not always possible for a man to pee sitting down. Especially in the morning when things are...uh...a little stiff.



Dan M. from Malden, MA

Anonymous said...

Good article.

I have been peeing sitting down for about 20 years, after I read an article saying that the very slight muscular strain from peeing while standing could contribute to prostate issues.

I never checked that out because once I tried it, I realized that it is much more relazing and neat. In other words, what's downside other than some abstract macho ideal?

Now, having said that, I should add that I pee standing up in public places, mostly because it is just easier and quicker (although if wearing light pants I sometimes regret the wayward drop after "the shake").

Kit said...

Jeremiah, I am totally on board with this idea. As the mother of three boys and the wife of one man and the tenant of ONE toilet in the house, I can verify that PEE GETS EVERYWHERE!!! And it is disgusting! Ewwww!
This needs to be reposted everywhere it can!

Anonymous said...

When I was younger used to pee siting down, but now i find there is still urine left in my bladder.
Standing is now a medical necessity to maintain my health.

Menopausal women posting here should live alone (they lose interest in sex anyway, and wonder why there men become unfaithful) and then they would also get the huge benefit of always having the toilet seat down. But that would mean nothing to complain about?

Seriously what we really need is to use a bit of intelligence to come up with a combination urinal and toilet.

To show how sexist woman are, I can't stand when my wife leaves here sanitary napkins to smell up the room (true but I'm loving about the issue).

To be consistent, how much residual piss and poo is there in the shower floor? This column begs the question, why are people so narrow minded?

When will these subjects are all discussed with equal merit?

Julie Angarone said...

I wouldn't mind men and boys standing up if they bothered cleaning up once in a while - I spent a long time wondering why my bathroom smells so bad- I scrub the toilet and the floor - and it still smells like a boys bathroom - then I realized- the wood work has dried pee spatter, the trash can has dried pee spatter. I don't care if you get pee on yourself, men...I care that you DON'T care what a pain it is to clean up after you!

Anonymous said...

Guys who pee standing up, should always be the ones who offer to scrub the bathroom. Up-close and personal. Until someone invents a toilet with the perfect no-splash shape; they should be doing their fair share of the toilet and house cleaning anyway. Most home-makers do one heck of a lot more work than the resident 'standing-pissers' realize, and this will help them focus on solutions instead of their own balls! (Could also cause them to help raise their kids to be more considerate of others, and later on the possibility of becoming attractively independent adults.

So sorry 'sensitive macho guys'; I am NOT being sarcastic. Most women 'understand' that most men are pigs. We see the piss-trail that you don't, 'even when you are TRYING to be careful'!

Want to feel appreciated? Be considerate and clean. We will be so amazed, we 'mention' it (BRAG) to our friends. That is how rare it is.

A clean and considerate man is basically a keeper!

Even the IDEA is sexy.

Anonymous said...

Just during a normal stand up pee it doesn't splash out of the bowl for me. You have to hit it at the right angle to make it only reflect downward... Don't pee right into the water. Yes, sometimes, if you have a lot built up, when it first comes out it's kind of a guessing game which way it will go. But whenever a little hits the rim, you just wipe it up with toilet paper. Then once every couple of weeks wipe the toilet down with disinfectant. I know I'll never sit down just to pee. It takes longer and it's not as comfortable.

rbaak@msn.com said...

There is one more small detail that has been ignored, I wouldn't want my wife to have to sit on the toilet surounded by splattered Urine and dried Urine on the walls, the floor , Rugs even the front of the toilet tank is splattered with urine. we had wall paper around the walls of our bathroom when we noticed that urine was turning the wall paper darker in spots and yellow stains on the paper this is when we decided to take the paper off to find mould growing behind the paper where the Urine splattered, standing up is a disgusting thing to do in your house when taking a piss you piss out side standing up against a tree but inside your house I would think one wants it clean, I'm sure your wife or Daughters would appreciate not sitting on a toilet surrounded by Piss.

yagwit said...

I don't care about your being a real man. If you want to relieve yourself standing up, you will clean the bathroom. No matter your ability to control your aim or stream strength, the piss splashes back up because of physics. All men splatter..ALL! And the urine dotted pants are so attractive. Come on guys, stop acting like apes. Stand up is an archaic and disgusting practice. I won't even go into the seat being left up.

Anonymous said...

I am 50 and 3 years ago I realized that peeing standing up, I create extra, disgusting work for my wife. Because I love her, I decided to make her a "secret present" and I begun to pee sitting down. I'm very happy that I forgot this irrational way. I do it standing up only if urinals are available in the toilet.

Anonymous said...

Dude, just get better at pissing. Unless I am heavily intoxicated I very rarely get splash back on myself. It's all about aim within the bowl, not just about getting it in the anywhere. I find that directing the flow right at the water's edge minimises splashing.
I dunno, maybe I'm just better evolved?

Anonymous said...

Boggles my mind why men pee standing up... I always sit. So many claim there's no splash but sorry it just doesn't work like that when a stream of water comes into contact with a pool from a high distance... may not be able to see it but it's there. Also... to pee standing it's more work you have to touch the damn toilet seat... that's disgusting. You'd never have to touch the toilet sitting down, almost seems like more work to stand.

Anonymous said...

Man was designed to pee while standing up... Just not into water! I never thought about 'squatting' but it makes sense to adapt to what we are given- toilets. For those of you who only have the argument about no real men squat, do you really not see the mess we leave behind? I counter the argument with the only REAL man will have a urinal in HIS house! Good luck men. ~ Joe

Anonymous said...

After reading all the posts, I find it all rather silly. So here's the solution guys: (A) If you are outdoors or in a location that has urinals - pee standing up.(B) If you are indoors, and use a toilet that is shared with anyone else in the house, sit down or take a knee.
My Dad taught me sixty years ago about being courteous to my Mom and Sisters, while still being a well-rounded healthy male.
Yes, it is true that some of us cannot completely empty in a seated position. Thus, that is why taking a knee is the best option. It allows us to keep our back and pelvis straight, to let gravity do its thing.
And as far as urinating after sex. . . the answer is to give the head a quick squeeze before starting the urine stream.
Morning wood? Take a knee.
Few drinks too many? Take a knee.
Care about the other people in your house, and have self-respect: Take a knee.
And teach your sons how to do this.
The definition of a "real man" is a man who takes responsibility to love and protect his family and himself.
Like I said, my Daddy and Grand-daddy taught us boys this principal when we were little kids.
We could piss all day long outdoors, in the standing position.
We could use a public urinal, standing up.
But at home, and at other people's homes, we went in the bathroom, closed the door, and took a knee.
Women think we are considerate for lowering the seat (but the truth is we didn't raise the seat in the first place).
If you drip when you shake, just grab a little paper and clean it up.
Who in the hell is gonna know what you are doing behind closed doors?
It aint about wheather or not somebody else thinks you're a man.
No, you ARE a man. And that's all.
And I am man enough to admit that I care about my home and family. And I'm man enough to respect the homes of my friends and associates.

O.Han said...

Being single, having to clean my own pee from the floor around the toilet is somewhat disgusting. As Jermiah says, even if you have the best aim in the world and pee 100% inside the toilet bowl, the pee hitting the water will generate a spray all around the toilet, even on your legs. I noticed that too when I wear shorts on a hot night, which means you bring all that pee in your legs back to the bed with you unless you take a shower or wipe it somehow. Out of respect to the people who invite me to their houses, I'll sit down. Only at a public restroom with urinals I will pee standing up.

Anonymous said...

And I might add---As I have aged my aim isn't what it should be. I sit down a lot and when I don't I wished that I had sat.

Anonymous said...

I've been married for 20 years, and recently noticed when my man pees it's on the floor and carpet.

After cleaning it for (3) years I asked him to. He use to sit down. I think if a man stands he shouldn't expect his wife to wipe up the pee on the floor.

Anonymous said...

I have sat to pee in private homes/clean bathrooms for as long as I remember. Not sure why I did when I was younger and shorter, but now for the obvious reasons mentioned above.

Note 1: as for convenience, sitting takes no longer than standing+cleaning.

Note 2: Even if 80% of the time one hits the water's edge and doesn't splash outside of the bowl (and I agree it is possible), that's still leaves a splash 20% of the time.

Note 3: Once in a while it really doesn't come out straight and orderly = big mess and a pain to clean up (I always clean up very well when I do stand, and there is always at least a fine spray on the rim).

Note 4: On those mornings, it is impossible for me to stand - I HAVE to sit (and lean forward).

Note 5: After the initial stream, the secondary stream(s) are highly unpredictable for me - this is what almost all my mess comes from.

MFR

Anonymous said...

Its not that peeing standing up is disgusting, its the aftermath. Even when it looks like there is no sprayback, there definitely is. Most men don't realize this cus they've got their girl cleaning up after them like little babies. Start teaching boys to be sanitary, and make them accountable for cleaning up piss. I've stepped in other ppls piss before when I went to use the bathroom. Its gross. Even mists of piss get on your pants when you take a leak..then imagine yourself sitting on furniture..pee is no on furniture. Not too gross, right?? Afterall it is your own. Ha, every other guy in your house/work is spreading their urine around too. Makes me sick. I don't have anyoe to clean up after me so I learned from experience.. don't feel like cleaning caked on piss from the toilet seat, walls, and floors? Sit down.

I don't thinkk the answer is to cease standing up...maybe gt a urinal installed in residnetial bath, or piss into a container then dump it into the toilet.

One things for sure-- as long as women baby men and continue to get on their hands and knees cleaning our piss from the floor...we have no reason to change. Unless youre like me, and a few other guys in tbhis thread, who have respect not only for ourselves but for others who will use the bathroom: clean up your own piss or sit the fuck down.